adam robinson

Over the years many students and adults have emailed me with questions about their spiritual journey. Some are very personal but others are questions that everyone seems to want to know the answer to. Here are some of those common questions and answers you might have always wondered about. If you don’t find your question listed email me and I’ll try to answer them the best I can.

***Ask Adam your own question***

NEW!!! What if I don't want to do a Quiet Time?
I'm struggling with several sins! Help?
Why don't I feel God anymore?
How do I deal with family members who aren't seeking God?
Is it OK for me to date someone who's not a Christian?
Did Jesus have brothers and sisters?
An eye for an eye, or turn the other cheek?
Why do we have to praise God?
Do those who commit suicide go to Hell?
What happens to those people who never hear the gospel?
Why would a loving God send people to Hell?
Is dating OK?
Can I date someone from a different race?
Is it right to speak in tongues?
What if our "Godly" feelings are just made up?
Does the Bible really say "you can't have sex before you get married?"

OK, well, at my church, in the student minisrty, they stress having a quite time so much, I feel like it's lost it's value, and I don't really ''do'' one anymore, and I don't know why that is, can you please help?

Good question! Not knowing anything about you or your spiritual life I’ll have to give a couple of answers and you can take whichever one fits. Cool?

First, having a quiet time really is essential in your walk with God. There’s really no substitute for it. But let’s be clear about what that is. A quiet time is simply time you dedicate to Christ every day. And while prayer and Bible study should be the foundation of that time, there’s a lot of different ways to do that. You don’t have to be locked into a “15 minutes every morning in my room” routine. You can choose to do different things to commune with God. I do. I’ve often felt like you do, where what I used to do just isn’t very helpful anymore. What I have to remember about my relationship with God is just that—it’s a relationship! I wouldn’t do the same things with my best friends every day. That might be fun for a week or two, but soon it gets boring. The problem isn’t with the person, it’s how you’re relating to them. Or think about a dating relationship. You wouldn’t want to have the same conversation every night, or do the same date every week. No matter how much you liked the person that would just get stale. Now translate that over to your walk with God. If you are developing a real relationship with Him then you’ll need to be real with Him. That means interacting with Him in lots of different ways, just like you would with a friend or boyfriend. Try taking a walk and talking to God for 30 minutes. Try just sitting in silence and listening for a while. Try getting a worship CD and just singing a few songs to the Lord by yourself. Try reading one psalm every day for a week. The same one. You’ll be surprised what comes out. Try spending 30 minutes just praying for other people. Try taking a drive or a walk where you do nothing but pray for the people you see and interact with. Try Journaling. Try making something for the Lord, a piece of art, a song, a sculpture, a poem. See, there’s lot’s you can do that’s not the basic stuff. Now let me go back to the beginning and tell you that you don’t need to abandon prayer and Bible study. These are crucial and again form the foundation to make all these other methods work. But feel free to switch things up. That’s totally legal.

Second, I have to mention this possibility though I’m sure this isn’t you. If you’re avoiding a quiet time simply because that’s what everyone else is doing or it’s lost it’s meaning because everyone’s doing it, then I’m afraid that’s not a very good reason to stop. Sometimes we feel nothing is really valuable if everyone can do it. In our walk with God this is never true since God is personal and has a personal relationship with us. But you can’t do this life by yourself. We all need to be doing the same things together, it helps build us into a real community. God has told us to abide in Him and then to be unified with one another. So if it’s just a “I hate doing anything the crowd does” thing, that’s just pride. Fair enough?

I need some help. I am struggling with several things. Several sins. I need to find scripture that will help to keep me on guard against sin and for building up my spirit again. I just feel overwhelmed and when I do sin I feel discouraged and that I have disappointed the Lord. Can you give me some Scripture and also advice?

We all wrestle with sin. Just because we are sincere, or passionate, or focused it doesn’t change the fact that we will always be tempted, either from the world around us, our Enemy, or from our own bodies. Even Jesus was tempted. He never failed, but since His example no one has been able to duplicate that feat! So He helps us in our weakness. When I fail there are a few things that help me out. Generally these Scriptures fall into a few categories.

First is confession—Psalm 32, Psalm 51, 1 John 1:8-10, Romans 7:14-25. We need to confess our sin before the Lord. It makes no use to hide from Him. As long as we are making excuses about why this or that is OK for us we will never be able to repent. Look at the stories of David and the Prodigal Son (2 Samuel 11-12; Luke 15) to see how confession leads to a restored relationship.

Next is confession to others—James 5:16. This is harder, but notice what James say, it leads to our healing. We can’t just suffer in silence. God has given us each other to help in areas where we are weak. You will find any and every reason to not do this, but I assure you it is necessary and ultimately helpful. You don’t have to go shout it from the rooftops, but you do need to find a few believers that you trust, preferably who are older than you, and talk to then about your struggles. They can pray for you, keep you accountable, and provide a lot of encouragement as you learn to avoid these sins. I cannot tell you how helpful this has been to me personally as well as to believers throughout the ages.

Other verses deal with forgiveness—1 John 1:8-2:2, Romans 8:1,26-27, Psalm 103. We must remember that Christ has taken away all our sins and nothing can change our standing before Him. Even though we may have disappointed Him, His love for us has not changed one bit. It is embarrassing to realize this because it hurts our pride. But grace does that. If we are going to walk with the Lord we must accept his love as grace, not as a prize for good living.

Then there are verses for protection and life in the Spirit—Galatians 5:16-18, Ephesians 6:10-18; John 15:1-11 Philippians 3:7-14, 1 Timothy 3:12-16. I try to pray these verse often to remind myself of who I am and how Christ protects me. Dwell on them and let them sink in. Growing in Christ is a life long process. Don’t give up because you’ve suffered a setback. Allow Christ to heal you, pick you up, and make you more like Him today. The only unacceptable act in this position is to simply give up. Hope this helps!

I've grown up in the church my whole life and understand the doctrine and beliefs of Christianity. Lately, however, I've been really struggling. I want to feel the joy of knowing Christ, but I feel like there's something I'm not "getting." When I pray, I feel like I'm just talking to myself, and is seems like no one else at my church is having this problem. I try to read my Bible nightly and pray daily, but I just can't seem to "get it." Sometimes it just feels like "going through the motions." It's beginning to be really discouraging...any help?

Thanks for your honesty. And no you are not alone. I’ve been through the same thing as have almost all believers at some point in time. In fact you’ll probably go through this a few times in differing circumstances. Cultural Christianity has a problem with this but if you begin reading the spiritual giants through the centuries you’ll find that almost all of them deal with the exact same thing. St John of the Cross called it the Dark Night of the Soul. He has a book of that title you might want to check out (Be warned, it is challenging!) But let’s start from the beginning.

We have to start with any unconfessed sin. Do a spiritual inventory and see if there is anything you’re rationalizing or trying to keep under the radar. Sin has a nasty way of hindering our communication with God and our abiding in Him ( or at least our feeling of that abiding) so getting this out of the way is crucial.

If this is not the problem then it could be a few things. Sometimes God purposefully sends us into the desert to learn something new. A new way of relating to Him, a new form of maturity. Remember that God sent the Israelites into the wilderness for a long time before they saw the Promised Land. Listen to his reasoning in Deuteronomy 8:2-4 “²Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord . ⁴Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. ⁵Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.” Jesus also was sent into the wilderness at the front of his ministry (Matthew 4:1-11) and Paul was given his thorn (2 Corinthians 12:1-10). Job was sent through enormous trials for a reason we know but he never became aware of. Verses abound about perseverance and trials leading to our perfection. Unfortunately these types of passages are not emphasized in a me-centered, instant gratification society (read: church).

So it comes as a shock when we are doing our best and God seems to vanish. I ultimately can’t tell you why this happens. I can tell you that any reading of the Psalms will cure you of feelings of isolation. Read Psalm 13, 77, 88 and you will see that this is an experience that is close to those who are close to God. It could be so that we will grow out of a place where we have become too complacent, or comfortable in our spiritual state. It could be to prepare us for some new trial or task. It could be to humble us or protect us from pride. It could be because we are involved in a spiritual battle that we have no clear picture of. You may not get to know. You can know that it is normal though. The idea that when we follow Christ and do our quiet times our lives will be free from calamity and doubt is a false one. These are the times when our faith has to come to the forefront. Until now our feelings have provided us with the means necessary to overcome any nagging doubt. Once those feelings are stripped away though the test is a harder one. The Object of our faith remains unchanged. It is up to us to decide whether we will continue to have faith even when our feelings don’t sustain us as they once did. This is precisely Satan’s argument in Job, by the way. That if God didn’t give us blessings and warm fuzzies then no one would believe in Him. Was Satan right?

So what do you do during this time? St. John of the Cross offers some good advice. Trying to do more Bible study and more prayer to try to out-pray the situation will be ultimately counter-productive. You will just become more and more frustrated. Deciding to give up prayer and Bible study altogether is equally detrimental. Instead continue with your daily time with the Lord in the Word asking Him to give you wisdom, perseverance in the Spirit, and open eyes to see where he is around you. Then live your life. We read the highlights in Scripture, but remember that there were a lot of days in the desert that were unremarkable. Nothing happened that we could point to and say “Oh, I see why I’m in this desert!” But the discipline of continuing to walk ultimately produced its results. Walking with Christ is a journey, not a sprint, which means this is only a stage in the journey. But it may be a long stage. Your walk with Christ on Earth will most likely be a 80 year journey, not an 8 year or 8 day thing. The biggest thing I struggled with in these times is quelling the need to have an answer for it immediately. You’re not going to get one. I had to—am having to—learn to be content with where God has me today, even if I don’t like it. He loves you, He has not forgotten you, and he is watching out for your overall life, not just today. He’s been doing this for a while and He’s good at it. I, on the other hand, am not nearly as omniscient as I ‘d like to think. So I am learning to stop telling God how to fix my life and to trust that no matter what happens He will lead me to the Promised Land. It just might a longer journey than I anticipated.

I remember you saying that it seems so easy while we’re at camp to stay close to God and do our “quiet time”, but once we leave and get out into the real world, that’s when the devil can and will attack. That is exactly what happened. It is always my little brother and my mom who messes it all up for me. If you don’t mind, I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. ?

It’s tough when trying to deal with family members who make it hard for us to follow Christ. I don’t know exactly how they are bothering you, but I would offer some general suggestions. First, if you can find some alone time somewhere in your day, use that to spend with the Lord. I once knew a student who passed a church parking lot walking home from the bus stop. He decided for a time just to sit in that parking lot and pray and read his Bible before he got home. So try to find some time away from them if you can. Second, make sure you are spending friend time with other people who are actively seeking Christ. They can encourage you to walk with Christ even in those hard moments and give you the support that you need. That’s what the youth group is there for! If your Mom isn’t really following the Lord look around at church for an older woman to help you know how to follow Christ, maybe a Sunday school teacher or leader. And lastly, just hang in there! Things change quickly when you are a teenager. If you can hang on and persevere the situation is likely to change sometime soon. You, though, need to daily ask Christ for help to stay focused and to have strength to resist the temptations around you . I know it’s not easy, but you can do it with His help! Hope this helps!

I have a problem. There's this guy I like and he' completely in love with me too. But He's not a believer. Can I date him anyway? Maybe I can lead him to Christ!

I think you already know what to do, but just so you’ll hear it from me, here goes. Check out 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 first. Here Paul tells us not to be in serious relationships with non-believers because they aren’t like us. No matter how much you like this person, or how much they like you, they will never be able to encourage you spiritually. In fact at best they will keep you neutral spiritually. At worst they drag you down. Those are the only two options. Ever. And we can’t bank on their getting saved in the future. So in relaity you are trying to date some future version of this person and not them and that’s not fair to them. God wants us to be in relationships with other believers so we can continue to spur one another on to love God and each other more. This happens in a healthy, Godly relationship. This isn’t even an option with someone like your friend. Another reason this won’t work is because this person will never be able to understand who you really are. When God asks you to give money to someone, or to love sacrificially, or change something in your life, they will never be able to understand. Instead of encouraging you to honor the Lord and be obedient they are more likely to openly oppose you simply because 1) they don’t think that way and 2) they don’t understand. See how this sets you up for failure? The more you follow God the more the distance between you grows. Either that or you just never grow again, and we know that isn’t God’s plan for you.

As to leading Him to Christ you're right. You might. But dating someone isn't the way to help someone know Christ. What are we really telling the person about God and our walk with Him when we are willing to break His commands just so we get what we want? That's like telling them to do what I say but not what I do. Or taht the ends justify the means. Missionary dating just doesn't honor the Lord. It's like trying to cheat. Sure you may get away with it, but if we are goign to be God-honoring people this cannot be what we aer actively choosing. Furthermore we will be suffereing the effects of this corner-cutting for a lot longer than we want. Take my word for it. I'm seeing this more than I'd like in a lot of lives around me. You cannot escape the repurcussions of sin.

God loves that persom more than you do. Honestly He does. And he can use lots of people to get to them even without your help. If God wants you together He can work that out in time. But your first allegiance is to Him, not a boyfriend or girffriend. If we cannot make that disticntion then we may have a problem with idol-worship where we allow our identity to be defined by who we're with instead of who we are as children of God.

In answer to the next logical objection, that there isn’t anyone else to date, I will offer this. God loves you and wants the best for your life. And since He knows every single person on the planet, and you better than you know yourself, God is by far the best dating resource in the known universe. Trust Him! His ways are right. Waiting is hard and uncomfortable. But when we find someone with the right heart and character who is a fit for our total person the wait will have been worth it. DO NOT SETTLE.

What should i say if someone asked me about Jesus's half brothers and sisters, or if they say that they are related to Jesus?

No one is technically related to Jesus since he was not born of a human father. So there is no bloodline of Christ like all the DaVinci Code freaks say. But Jesus did have other brothers and sisters. Catholics contend that Mary remained a Virgin her entire life, hence the whole Virgin Mary thing. But the Bible is pretty clear that Jesus had brothers and sisters. See Mt 12:46 and John 7:3. Also James has always been known as the brother of Jesus (Galatians 1:19). He was an influential leader of the Jerusalem church and the writer of the book of James. But notice that even though he was a so called blood relative of Christ he doesn’t make much of this fact. In James 1:1 he introduces himself as a servant of God and Christ, period. Power doesn’t come through your bloodline, it comes through the Spirit of the Living God. Being Jesus’ brother didn’t make him special, being saved did. Just like us.

In the Bible it says to give an eye for an eye, but it also says to turn the other cheek. What are we as Christians supposed to do?

This is one of those perennial questions we have to keep answering. The main answer is found in Matthew 5:38-42. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Here Jesus is quoting from the Old Testament where God gave the law of lex talionis, or an eye for an eye. But as He has done often in the sermon on the Mount Jesus is giving us the fulfillment of that command. It is just that there should be consequences for someone’s actions. When someone commits a criminal act it is right that they should be punished. But let’s look beyond simple justice. Is this only what God wants? A group of people who give and eye for an eye? Should that be our motivation for right behavior? So I won’t get hurt back?

By giving the original law God highlighted two things. 1) sins must be punished. And 2) we do a lot of sinful things that need punishing. People were always retaliating against each other, just like they do today. But when Jesus comes on the scene a whole new world opens up. Jesus is not here simply to give us and eye for an eye. Wouldn’t that have been awful? No one could stand before Him, we’d all find ourselves on the receiving end of a lot of punishment. But Jesus doesn’t do that. He comes to forgive us of our sins by taking all that punishment. See how cool that is? He’s not just saying “I forgive you.” There will be consequences for our sins. But that retaliation doesn’t fall on us. Jesus doesn’t act on the law of lex talionis, even though he could. He could condemn us but instead he decides to take our punishment and give us grace instead.

This is why Jesus says what he says. We’ve all been forgiven, so why would we persist in giving everyone an eye for an eye? That was just and right, but now that grace is available for all people, why would we still live this way? God will punish everyone for their sins, but for you and me, we’ve been forgiven, the punishment for us has been taken away. How then could we treat others with less grace than we’ve been given? Look at the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 18:21-35 to see a good illustration of how wrong that would be.

So the answer to your question is that we are to graciously forgive people when they do evil things. We need to remember that we too used to do those things but we’ve now been forgiven. When we choose to give back love instead of an eye for an eye, it shows that person and everyone around not only that Jesus is real, but that there’s a different way to live, and hope that I won’t suffer eternally for my actions. Now granted, that’s easier said than done. But just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean we’re exempt. If you find yourself in a situation where this is especially hard, try to remember how much God forgave you and that we need the grace of God as much as that person does. God will avenge in the end, don’t you worry, but until then we need to offer the same grace that we have received. Hope this helps!

Why do we have to praise God?
First, the answer lies in God’s nature. God deserves praise simply because of who he is. To deny Him this would be silly. Now this is not a “right” per se , God does not have a right to be praised nor will He be cheapened if we do not do it. Our lack of praise does not detract from Him. Instead look at it as the only appropriate response to Him. To not praise God would be to miss out on reality and to have lost something vitally important. It is like not falling in love, not appreciating a good book, not knowing true friendship. To not know these things would be awful. Not praising God is in the same vein.

Second, in our worship of God, God communicates his Presence to men. You and I both know of times where God has shown us more of Himself in the midst of a worship service. It’s not required to be in a worship service for God to do this, but nonetheless, God does very often communicate His presence to us through our worship of God. This kills the idea that God needs us to worship Him, to give him compliments. He does not need us; we need Him. In worship we recognize this and He helps us recognize His presence.

Third, it is more than natural for us to praise and worship something or someone we love and adore. We do this all the time with our favorite show, movie, sport, celebrity, etc. And no one tells us to do this. Instead we often sound much like the psalmists when we say, “wasn’t that great?” “Isn’t she beautiful?” We spontaneously worship that which is praiseworthy and not only that, we love to include others in this worship. We want to. We want them to join in and experience what we experience. This shows us that worship is the icing on the cake of our enjoyment of God. We find that in praising God, we complete the joy we have in Him. Telling others to join in and praising God are extensions of our own enjoyment of God. Why would we deny ourselves this joy when we indulge ourselves in this same kind of behavior in everything else we enjoy?

(The bulk of these thoughts were gleaned from C.S. Lewis in Reflection on the Psalms , ch 9, “A Word about Praising.” I suggest you take some time next time you are in Barnes and Noble and read it, it is less than 5 pages and you can finish it in no time.)

Do those who commit suicide go to Hell?
I get asked this question almost more than any other. To find the answer let’s think this through. How do people get saved in the first place? Well, we get saved by recognizing that we are sinners, realizing that we can’t save ourselves, and then asking God to forgive us. So when we get saved we give our old lives away and Jesus forgives all of our sins. The big question for us in this situation is which sins did He forgive? Did He only forgive the sins you committed before you got saved, or did He forgive you of all your sins, past, present, and future? Hebrews 10:10-18 tells us that the sacrifice of Jesus was a once for all sacrifice. He has cleansed us from all of our sins, even the ones we haven’t committed yet.

Now we‘ll both agree that suicide is a sin. But if someone is truly saved, and they commit the sin of suicide, why would they go to Hell? They are saved, and no matter what sin they commit they are still saved. So the answer to the question “Do those who commit suicide go to Hell?” isn’t the right question. That would be like saying “Do those who have ever lied go to Hell?” or “Do those who cuss go to Hell?” The right question to ask is “Were they truly saved?” This is the only question that decides whether we go to Heaven of Hell.

So now you might be asking another question. If she committed suicide, does that mean she wasn’t saved? Not necessarily. All of us still struggle with sin, even as Christians. I know that I still wrestle with sin in my life. But I also know I am saved. It is possible for someone who is saved to be so deceived by the Enemy that he or she would commit suicide. Now this doesn’t mean that everyone who commits suicide goes to Heaven, though. Again, we need to go back to the real question: “Was this person saved?” And as always the only person who can know that for sure is yourself and the Lord. We really can’t always tell whether someone else is saved (But we can make a pretty good guess based on how they have lived and what they loved). So, just because someone commits suicide does not mean that they went to Hell.

So where did this idea come from? Most likely it comes from Catholic doctrine. Catholics believe that when you are saved that Jesus forgives all of your sins up to that point, but if you commit any more sins you have to work it off. Which is why Catholics go to confession and then do penance, to pay for the sins they have committed. If they do not they end up in purgatory, which is kind of midway point between heaven and hell where you have to wait after you die until you have worked off your post-salvation unconfessed sins. Both of these ideas are wrong and are not supported by Scripture. But do you see why they would say that someone who committed suicide would go to Hell? If suicide is a sin, you have to ask forgiveness, or work it off. But with suicide you can’t do either. You don’t have any more time to ask forgiveness. So they would say that you have to go to Hell or at least purgatory to work that off. See? But like I said, this is a false understanding of salvation and of what Jesus does on the cross. Look again at the Hebrews passage. Hope this helps!

What happens to those people who never hear the gospel? Does God send them to hell just because they never got a chance to hear about Jesus?
No I don’t think Jesus arbitrarily sends people to Hell simple because they didn’t have the good sense to be born in a country that doesn’t know about Jesus. I call this the proverbial “man in the jungle” argument. For some reason the jungle is always the place where people are trapped so that they cannot hear the gospel. Many will say that they can’t believe in a God who would refuse to allow people to enter heaven simply because they never had a chance to say “yes” to Jesus. But this is where theology becomes important. Do we believe that God is a just God? Yes. If so then will God damn people on a technicality? Well He could but this would be out of character for Him. Does it sound like our God to say that He offers salvation only to those who hear the gospel, sorry if you didn’t get a chance? Let’s think broader than that. Both Psalm 19 and Romans 1 tell us that people should know that there is a God simply by the grandeur of creation. Therefore people can at least make a choice to try to know the Creator based on that. We also know that God draws us to Him (John 6:44).He can do this through whatever means He chooses. At this point as far as the man in the jungle is concerned I am content to leave it in His hands. God will take care of the rest. For us the real question should be “What are we doing to make sure that everyone does hear the message of the gospel?”

My friends say they won’t believe in a God who would allow someone to go to Hell, especially those who have never heard about Him. What should I say?
It sounds high and mighty to say that you refuse to love a God who would allow anyone to go to Hell, but you and I know that Hell is something that people choose, not something God decrees for them. He has given us a free choice and we can and will choose one way or the other. To believe in a God that has to admit everyone into Heaven no matter what is a weak God who is neither all powerful nor just. In fact He is not a God at all. The very fact that your friends are telling you they won’t believe is a testimony to the fact that they can choose at all. God has given them that ability. They get to choose what they are going to do with it. But to say I won’t believe because of some person who hypothetically might exist is simply a cop out and you can tell them so. Tell them to actually make a decision by looking at the evidence and you will find that the real reason is that they don’t want to give up control. Remember, God is not caught off guard by clever arguments. He’s bigger than that.

Is it OK to date?
Let’s start with a general rule. Whenever we’re dealing with a topic that the Bible doesn’t address specifically, we need to look at the main principles the Bible does talk about to give us guidance. Like in the case of abortion. It’s not mentioned in the Bible because it didn’t really exist as a medical practice. But we know from Scripture that God loves life and holds it sacred. From this we can know that abortion is therefore wrong because it would violate that principle. See?

Dating is kind of in the same boat. People in Biblical times just didn’t date really. They were given in marriage in the Old Testament and in the New Testament there was a pretty extensive courtship thing going on for Jews in Jesus’ day. Our culture is different. So, where does that leave us? Let’s start again with principles. 1) God wants us to be married and for sex to remain confined to the marriage relationship. We know this from Genesis 2 and from multiple Scriptures in the New Testament. This means that if we are to date today, it should be with people that we would see as potential life partners. That’s what dating should be about. If this is the case, then we shouldn’t begin dating if marriage is not even a possibility. This is why I tell Jr. high students they shouldn’t date at all. It’s just not a possibility. But is this any different for high school students. Yes and no. I think your parents are wise to make you wait until you are 16. By 16 most people are mature enough to begin dating and looking around for someone to have a relationship with. But even here we have to be careful. Dating just to date is not Biblical (since it has no real goal except to pretend without the commitment) so we need to avoid that. But if you like someone who is a believer (this is mandatory, we are not allowed to date non-believers, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18) , and they like you, and you both wish to please the Lord in how you live, I say it is OK to date. I would still put conditions on this however. Most likely you won’t be getting married at 18 ( at least let’s hope not) so we don’t need to pretend like we are. We need to keep our dating at this age at a certain level that is honest with where we are really at. We don’t need to assume that we are in love and going to get married at 16. If this is happening, you probably need to back off a bit. But the act of dating I don’t see as wrong Biblically.

Now there are other things to take into consideration. It is very easy to allow sexual sins to creep in or to date someone just to make out. This should be avoided at all costs. God make sex and kissing and all that goes with it and He declared it good ( really, no kidding, Read Genesis 2). But it must be kept in it’s place. There is a place for kissing and a place for sex and we don’t need to get these confused or rush in before the appropriate time. So is it OK to kiss the person you’re dating? Again let’s go back to principles. God wants those actions to be tied to real emotions. So if you are in a real relationship, and you truly care about the person, then kissing would be appropriate. Here we have checked our motives and asked if they honor the Lord. See how this works? Now, could we then say it’s OK to have sex with someone if we really loved them, even though you might not be married yet? No. Again, God specifically says there is a time and a place for everything, and sex is reserved ONLY for married people (see 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 and 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8).

Knowing when to start dating has a lot to do with your maturity level. Some people are not ready to date even at 16 while others are ready and their parents won’t let them (in this case we must still defer to our parents because we apply the Biblical principle of honoring our father and mother). But I think dating at some level is OK because we all have to get our feet wet sometime. Learning how to be in relationship with someone of the opposite sex takes time and unfortunately a lot of emotional trial and error. Dating in a way that honors God allows us to learn these crucial lessons.

My parents won’t allow me to date someone of a different race. They say the Bible forbids this. Are they right? What does the Bible say?
I’m from Birmingham, AL, and racism is something we’ve struggled with a lot around here. We even have a civil rights museum chronicling the fight for equality for African Americans. There have been people in the past who have tried to use the Bible to say that dating outside of your race is wrong. But these are stretches at best. A lot of them will try to use passages from Genesis to say that black people come from a cursed race, or use the Levitical texts about not intermarrying outside of Israel. Neither of these apply today. The passage in Genesis is taken completely out of context, it is not referring to African Americans at all. And although the call to not marry anyone outside of the people of God still applies, this certainly doesn’t mean we can’t date people of other races, it means we can’t marry people who aren’t Christians. Because of Christ He is all that matters, not your race. Look up Colossians 3:9-11 and Galatians 3:26-29. See? Of course it’s OK to have friends who are not of your race. I would worry more about what kind of friends they are. Do they love the Lord? Do they encourage you in your walk? These are the more important questions.

Now the truth is that your parents just may be uncomfortable with the idea of you dating someone outside of your race, and as far as that goes, that’s fine. But it’s just a personal preference. The minute they start talking about what the Bible says they are off the mark, but if they say they just wouldn’t like it, well, that’s their deal. I hope this helps.

Is speaking in tongues OK?
This is another entry from the top 5 questions asked, especially from my Baptist brothers and sisters. I hope my charismatic friends will forgive the cursory explanation. To get a good foundation for an answer to this question you’ll want to read 1 Corinthians 12-14.

Based on these chapters here’s what I understand to be true. Speaking in tongues is a valid gift of the Spirit that is still being used today. Unfortunately most of the people who have this gift congregate themselves in charismatic churches ( usually because non-charismatic churches freak out about the issue) and therefore this gift is not appreciated to its full potential in the body. There are a few reasons for this that stem from some misconceptions on both sides.

First, speaking in tongues is not necessary for salvation. It is always listed among the spiritual gifts and just like everyone doesn’t have to preach to be saved, not everyone has to speak in tongues to be saved. Those who do believe that you must do this in order to be saved are mistaken. They see speaking in tongues as the only indicator of having a “second blessing” or the coming of the Holy Spirit into a person’s life. The only Scriptural evidence for this is in Acts and when the context of that situation is taken into account, it falls through. Nowhere else in the New Testament is this mentioned. There is not one verse where Paul asks them to make sure everyone is speaking in tongues to make sure they are saved. If he does anything he is asking the Corinthians to place less emphasis on this gift, not more. In no way does he equate this with salvation.

But speaking in tongues is also valid in worship. Paul spoke in tongues ( 1 Corinthians 14:18) and commanded his churches not to forbid speaking in tongues (1 Corinthians 14:39) However, the Bible tells us that if anyone speaks in tongues in a worship service, then God will provide an interpreter who also will share in public, interpreting the message for the rest of the church. In this way the church is edified through the believers and through their gifts. If someone speaks in tongues but there is no interpreter, then that person is out of line and has not spoken from the Spirit. This is Scriptural, don’t take my word for it, go check it out.

I am just learning about something called a “prayer language” which apparently is when someone prays alone and begins speaking in tongues. I have not experienced this, but that’s OK, not everyone receives all gifts. I see no Scriptural problem with speaking in tongues in private just between you and God. Paul says some things that may allude to this so I’m not going to discount it. However, I would say that this is inappropriate for public settings. It can be distracting and there is no interpretation.

What does getting “saved” mean?
“Saved” is a term that Jesus used often ( see Luke 7:50; John 10:9) and was used by early Christians as well ( see Acts 16:30-31). The term itself begs a question, saved from what? As I explained at camp, the Bible tells us that we are “lost” in our sins. That means that because of the sins we have committed we have incurred the wrath of God and will suffer the punishment: death. We need help! Jesus came and died in our place and took our punishment. When He rose from the dead He conquered death and now offers salvation to you and me. Being saved means that we ask God’s forgiveness for the sins we have committed and ask Him to change us to be His children. It is an offering of yourself to God not to live for yourself any longer, but to now live for Him. Protestants differ on certain particulars of being saved, but this is my understanding. Being saved is not something you can do on your own, it is something God has to do. Just like a drowning man can’t save himself, we need someone to help us. What we can do is cry out for help and believe that God can save us. That is what He asks us to do. We can’t act good enough to save ourselves, so we need Him to save us. The Bible says in Ephesians 2:8-9 “8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.” It’s not something we can do, it is God’s gift to us. But God does not force it on us, He waits for us to believe in Him and ask for His forgiveness. When God prompts us and shows us our sin we can respond by asking for forgiveness and giving our lives to Him.

I have some friends who think that that feeling of fulfillment that you get when you do what we call God's work was really just us satisfying our internal need to make ourselves feel happy. They believe the world is a self-centered place and the only reason we do what we do is to make ourselves happy.

First, I agree with them that this is a self centered world. From either a humanistic or spiritual perspective we can agree that people everywhere are obsessed with themselves. We understand that this is a product of our sin nature. It’s human nature, but it also has a spiritual side. But this seems to be actually working against them, not for them. Why?

Because second, if we are all simply animals out for our own good, why would we have a desire to help other people? Why would it make us feel good to do “God’s work”? This is a thorny problem for them. Sure, you can help other people because it actually helps you, but why would this response have evolved in the first place? If I help you survive because you help me survive, fine, that makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. But why would moral actions ever evolve? Why would everyone on the planet agree that murdering someone is wrong, no matter what? Many animals eat their young. I don’t think lions go to counseling after killing a rival male or feasting on the African plains. So why would we ever develop a strong emotional response to doing actions for others that don’t directly benefit us? In evolutionary terms this makes no sense whatsoever. You can also see this when people make excuses for breaking rules that don’t exist. If someone steals your seat on the bus they typically will come up for a rationalization for why that was OK. Why? There’s no rule about seat stealing. And getting a seat for me, even if I take it from you, helps me more. Why would I feel bad about taking care of me? (remember that self centered world they conceded) What they are feeling is that they have done something wrong. That very word, the feeling itself, betrays the knowledge of a morality that is outside of us, that is more than just our desire for survival or self-fulfillment.

So now think about many of the things we feel. Why would we act bravery in the heat of battle? Self fulfillment tells me to run away and take care of myself. Why would we avoid cowardice if we are taking care of ourselves? As it is though, we will gladly put our lives on the line for what we care about. Why would giving to others who cannot repay me ever develop into something that makes me feel good. It just doesn’t make sense if you do not look outside the humanistic worldview.

That’s my short answer. I’d encourage you to read the first part of C. S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity for more insight. He walks you from believing that there is no god to seeing that there must be a God simply by looking at morals.

Where in the Bible does it say "you can't have sex before you get married?" And it is it really that important?
Ah, the perennial question, asked by almost every teenager at some point in their life. And by many an adult when things don’t seem convenient. It seems we spend a lot of time either pretending that the Bible says something that it doesn’t or pretending it doesn’t matter so we can do what we want. Let me address both issues.

First, There is no one verse that says “you can’t have sex before marriage” verbatim, but there are tons of verses that give us this exact meaning. Check out 1 Thessalonians 4:3 “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.” OK, you say, no sexual immorality, but what if I love someone a whole lot, isn’t it OK then? Actually no. You see this phrase “sexual immorality” a lot in the NIV. It’s translated “fornication” in some other translations, but they all come from one greek work porneo. Look familiar? Right. It’s where we get the word pornography and it means any sexual relationship outside of marriage between a man and a woman. So when Paul uses this word he clearly means that you cannot have sex outside of a marriage relationship. That means teenagers before they get married. That means divorced people. That means married people in that they cannot have sex with anyone other than their spouse. That means you, me, and anyone else who is not married. Once you understand this you start to see that the Bible has quite a lot to say on this issue. In the Old Testament adultery was punishable by death. The New Testament is just as serious in it’s condemnation of sexual impurity. Look up Matthew 15:19, Acts 15:20, Romans 13:13, 1 Corinthians 5:1-13, 6:9-20, 10:8, Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 5:3, Colossians 3:5, Hebrews 12:16, Jude 7, Revelation 22:15.

Second, is this really all that big a deal? Yes and here’s why. There is more going on when you have sex than you know. Sex is not simply a physical activity, it’s also a spiritual activity. When you have sex with someone you are not just encountering them physically, but spiritually as well (see 1 Corinthians 6:9-20).Sex acts like a spiritual superglue bonding you to that person. This is God’s design, as it helps you in your marriage. It’s designed to be a special act that is shared with the one person you have a special covenant with, your wife or husband. This spiritual bonding happens whether you like it or not, which is why sex outside of marriage causes so many problems. You thought your last breakup was bad, but when sex is involve you are literally wounding yourself and someone else on a deep spiritual level. Even worse, having sex outside of marriage begins to wound your own ability to enjoy real intimacy when you do get married. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t intend for sex to be this serious, it is whether you like it or not. Most of us didn’t intend to get into that wreck, or to break that bone, but we did, and it hurt regardless of our intentions.

The good news is that God created sex and wants it to be a fabulous part of your life. And when you follow God’s rules it about sex you will be able to find the greatest sex life possible. God created sex in the first place and gave it to us as an incredible gift. He wants you to enjoy it! But the only way to experience it to the full without harming yourself and others is to follow His instructions about it.